We're 68 and spending our kids' inheritance on travel. Is that selfish?

The question

An illustrative letter.

The answer

My dear, I can hear the joy in your letter, and a little defensiveness too. Let me lift the guilt first. You worked for four decades to get here. Seeing the world while you are healthy enough to enjoy it is one of the best uses of money I know. Your son's joke is probably just that, a joke, and perhaps a small worry he has not found the words for.

Is it selfish to spend what we saved?

No. Savings are meant to serve your life, not sit untouched for someone else's. Many parents do not plan to leave a large inheritance. In Northwestern Mutual's 2024 study, only 26 percent of Americans said they expected to leave one. What children need most from aging parents is not usually money. It is the reassurance that their parents will be cared for, and that they will not be asked to carry a burden they cannot afford.

What should we plan for while we travel?

Care later in life. According to the federal Administration for Community Living, someone turning 65 has almost a 70 percent chance of needing some long-term care in their remaining years. Medicare covers short stays in a skilled nursing facility after a hospital stay, but not the long-term help with daily living that many people need eventually. A shared nursing home room had a national median cost of about $9,580 a month in 2025.

That does not mean you must hoard. It means you are wise to know where care money would come from, whether savings, long-term care insurance, your home, or, after savings are spent down, Medicaid.

How much can we spend without running short?

That depends on your savings, your Social Security and your health. Many planners use a starting withdrawal of around 4 percent of savings a year as a rough guide, adjusted each year, though it is a rule of thumb, not a promise. A fee-only financial planner can help you set a yearly travel budget that fits inside a sustainable plan, with a care reserve set aside, so every trip is enjoyed rather than worried over.

Does our health coverage travel with us?

This is worth checking before your next cruise. Original Medicare generally does not cover health care outside the United States. On a cruise ship, Medicare may cover medically necessary care only when the ship is in a U.S. port or within six hours of one. Many Medigap plans include foreign travel emergency coverage, which pays 80 percent of approved emergency care abroad after a $250 yearly deductible, up to a $50,000 lifetime limit. If you have a Medicare Advantage plan, ask what it covers abroad. Travel medical insurance can fill the gaps, so compare it before you sail.

How do we talk to our son?

Openly, and with a little humor. You might say: "We are enjoying ourselves, and we have also planned for our care so you will not have to worry. Here is where our papers are." Share the basics: that you have a will, powers of attorney and health care directives, and who to call if something happens. You do not have to tell him what you have. Telling him that you have a plan is the gift.

If he worries about his own finances, listen. Sometimes a joke about an inheritance is really a worry about whether he will need to care for you. Reassurance answers that far better than money.

What papers should be in order?

• Wills, updated to reflect your wishes.
• Durable powers of attorney for finances, so one of you, or your son, can act if needed.
• Health care directives, naming who decides and what you want.
• A simple list of accounts, insurance policies and contacts, kept somewhere your son can find it.

What does our son see from his side?

Junah also answered a letter from a son whose parents are on their third cruise of the year. Reading it may help you understand what is behind the joke.

What about leaving something behind?

If you would like to leave something, even a modest amount, you can plan that too: a set sum, a life insurance policy, or a few cherished things given with a story. Some parents prefer to give while they are alive, a trip with the grandchildren, help with a course, so they can see the joy it brings. There is no wrong answer, only the one that fits your family.

Pack your bags, my dear, and enjoy every port. Just leave behind a plan, a few papers in order, and a son who knows you have thought of him. That is a legacy worth more than any sum.

One thing to do this week

Check what your health coverage pays on your next cruise, and tell your son where your will and powers of attorney are kept.