My parents are spending our inheritance on cruises. Do I say something?

The question

An illustrative letter.

The answer

My dear, I smiled at your letter, and then I recognized the worry beneath the joke. You are not asking for their money. You are asking who will be there, and who will pay, when the cruises stop and the harder years begin. That is a loving question, and it deserves a loving conversation.

Do I have any right to an inheritance?

No, and you seem to know that already. What your parents earned and saved is theirs, to spend on travel, to give away or to leave behind as they choose. Many parents do not plan to leave much at all. In Northwestern Mutual's 2024 study, only 26 percent of Americans said they expected to leave an inheritance. If your parents are enjoying the years they worked for, that is a good thing to celebrate.

Then what should I actually be worried about?

Care. According to the federal Administration for Community Living, someone turning 65 today has almost a 70 percent chance of needing some kind of long-term care during their remaining years. Medicare does not pay for most of it. It covers short stays in a skilled nursing facility after a hospital stay, not the months or years of help with bathing, dressing and daily living that many people eventually need. A shared room in a nursing home had a national median cost of about $9,580 a month in 2025.

So the question is not whether they spend on cruises. It is whether they have thought about how care would be paid for, and who would arrange it. If they have, you can relax and wave from the dock. If they have not, a conversation now could save the whole family a great deal of pain later.

How is long-term care usually paid for?

• Their own savings and income, which is why a care cushion matters.
• Long-term care insurance, if they bought a policy, usually years earlier.
• Their home, sometimes sold or borrowed against to pay for care.
• Medicaid, which pays for nursing home care, but only once savings have been largely spent down.

Knowing which of these your parents are counting on tells you what to expect.

How do I bring it up without sounding greedy?

Start from their happiness, not their spending. You might say: "I love that you are traveling. You have earned every mile. Have you two thought about what you would want if one of you ever needed care? I want to make sure we know your wishes." Then listen. You are not asking how much they have. You are asking what they want and whether there is a plan.

It can help to pick a calm, ordinary moment, not a holiday dinner, and to talk about your own plans too: your will, your insurance, your wishes. People share more easily when the conversation goes both ways.

What papers should be in place?

Gently ask whether they have a will, a durable power of attorney for finances, and a health care power of attorney or directive, and where those papers are kept. These documents let the right person step in if one of them cannot manage. They cost far less to prepare now than the problems they prevent.

What if they do not have a plan?

Then you know where things stand, and that is worth a great deal. You can suggest they speak with an elder law attorney or a fee-only financial planner, and you can begin setting aside something for the role you may play later. Many adult children end up giving time rather than money, and knowing that early helps you plan your own work and savings.

What if they need my help later anyway?

Many adult children end up helping, whatever the plan. A 2025 AARP report counted 63 million family caregivers in the United States, and nearly a quarter said caregiving had put them in debt. Thinking about it now lets you protect yourself: keep your own retirement savings going, keep an emergency fund, and talk with any siblings about how you would share time and costs. Helping your parents should not mean sacrificing your own later years, or your children's.

How can I help them plan without taking over?

Offer practical help rather than opinions. You might offer to keep a simple list of their accounts, doctors and important contacts, stored somewhere safe, or to go with them to a meeting with an attorney or planner if they would like company. Let them lead. People are far more open to planning when they feel respected and in charge of their own lives.

What do they see from their side?

Junah also answered a letter from a couple of 68 on their third cruise of the year, whose son jokes they are spending his inheritance. Reading their side may help you start the conversation with more understanding.

Let them sail, my dear. Wish them calm seas, and ask your question with a hug rather than a frown. A family that talks about care before it is needed is richer than any inheritance.

One thing to do this week

Pick an ordinary, calm moment to ask your parents what they would want if one of them ever needed care, and where their papers are kept.