My mom opened a credit card in my name. Do I have to report her?

The question

An illustrative letter.

The answer

My dear, I am so sorry. You went looking for a home and found a wound instead. Being turned away by a stranger is hard enough. Learning that the reason sits with your own mother is something else entirely, and it is natural to feel angry, ashamed and protective of her all at the same time. You did nothing wrong. You were a child when this began.

In my years of reading credit files, I saw this more often than people imagine. Family identity theft is common precisely because a parent has everything needed: your name, your birth date and your Social Security number. That does not make it right. It does mean you are not the first to face this choice, and there is a path through it.

Do I have to turn my mother in?

No one can force you to press criminal charges. But clearing your name almost always means stating, in writing, that you did not open this account. The main tool is an FTC Identity Theft Report, made at IdentityTheft.gov. It is an official report to law enforcement, and it is what gives you the legal right to have the account blocked from your credit report.

Filing that report does not mean your mother will be arrested. It is a record that the debt is not yours. What happens after that, including whether you involve the police, is a decision you can take more slowly, with people you trust. Many people in your position find that protecting themselves and loving a parent are not opposites. Both can be true.

What should I do first to protect myself?

• Freeze your credit. Contact each of the three national credit bureaus, Equifax, Experian and TransUnion, and ask for a freeze. It is free, it stops new accounts being opened in your name, and you can lift it whenever you apply for something.
• Read your reports. Get your free credit reports at AnnualCreditReport.com and look for anything else you do not recognize: other cards, loans or phone accounts.
• Find out what the landlord saw. When a landlord turns you down because of a screening report, they must tell you which company supplied it. You have the right to a free copy if you ask within 60 days, and the right to dispute anything wrong.

How do I get the card off my credit report?

Start with the card company's fraud department. Tell them the account was opened without your knowledge when you were a minor, ask them to close it, and ask for a letter confirming you are not responsible for it.

Then file your report at IdentityTheft.gov and send it to each credit bureau with a request to block the account. Federal law says that once the bureaus have your Identity Theft Report and proof of who you are, they must block the fraudulent information, and the debt can no longer be collected from you. Keep copies of everything, and write down the date and name of everyone you speak to.

Can I still get an apartment?

Very possibly. Go back to the leasing office, or to the next one, with a short, calm explanation: the card was opened fraudulently when you were 16, you have reported it, and here is the paperwork. Some landlords will reconsider with proof in hand. Others may ask for a larger deposit or a cosigner. The block on your report is what fixes the problem for good, so file the report even if this particular apartment is lost.

What if we try to settle it within the family?

Some families ask the parent to pay off the balance quietly. That may stop the collection letters, but it does not remove the account. It would stay on your report as yours, with its history of missed payments, because no one has told the bureaus it was fraud. If your mother wants to make it right, paying the debt can be part of that, alongside your identity theft report, not in place of it.

How do I talk to her about it?

If you feel safe doing so, you might tell her what you found and what it cost you, then tell her what you are going to do to protect yourself. You do not need her permission. You might say: "I love you, and I am not trying to punish you. But I have to clear my name, so I am filing a report that this card is not mine." Her reaction is hers to manage. Your future is yours to protect.

You are starting your adult life with a heavier load than you deserved. Freeze, file and block, one step at a time. A clean credit file, built honestly in your own name, is something no one will ever be able to borrow from you again.

One thing to do this week

Place a free freeze with all three credit bureaus and ask the screening company named in your denial for your free report.